This weekend we were headed to my son's piano recital and I was in the passenger seat while my husband drove along the back roads toward the highway. I noticed that the clouds were moving really quickly across the sky, and they were fat, puffy cumulus clouds, so their shadows were very visible and rushing toward us on the road as we drove. It seemed as though we were about to be swallowed by shadows, and that made me think about
Like preparing to jump into the lake for the first swim of the summer, the first time the cloud shadows overtook the car I instinctively held my breath. We were approaching it as quickly as it was approaching us, so we were driving toward a huge shadow as it came barreling toward us on the road. I sucked in my breath, and waited to see how it would feel as we plunged into the "less-light" of the shadows.
I realized a couple of things that will probably sound creepy, but, it was a heady, exciting imagining, that I was "about to meet God," about to plunge into some unknown dimension or other-world. I wondered how death really feels. At the very moment, do we hold our breath and take the plunge, or does it sneak up like sleep and we simply fall comfortably into it, or some combination of both or neither?
I am sure for some it is a terrifying thought, even if he feels "prepared," but for that briefest split-second, I felt ready. I don't worry about my children or husband doing without me anymore. I know they need me, and I need them (obviously, or I wouldn't still be here), but if God removes me from their lives, it will be for their good, and their ultimate, spiritual good is not something I want to interfere with when it is clearly out of my realm. (Doing without them is another story.)
How do you feel about death?